Is How They See Me? The Confirmation of Natural Hair Insecurities

After meeting up with some friends in Chicago, we decided to visit “Dick’s Last Resort”, a Bar and Grill whose theme encourages rudeness to patrons. Knowledgeable of this, we decided to play along with the theme. We were pelted with balls of napkins prior to being seated, the waiter yelled at us, rushed us while taking orders, but it was all laughable.
Unfortunately, the evening took a nose-dive after the waiter elected to create the first hat for the only woman with visibly coarse hair at the table, myself. I guess its appropriate to now mention that we were a party of six young Black people, the only African Americans in the entire establishment at the time. He placed the hat on my head, and I amusingly allowed it to stay, until I felt an uncomfortable glare from the rest of my tablemates. I then decided to take it off and read its contents. The hat said, “STOP CALLING ME BUCKWHEAT DAMMIT !!”. I then transformed from amused, to embarrassed, to finally angered.
Sensing my hostility, our party decided to leave, but not without speaking with the manager. The manager was outraged on our behalf, and pleaded for us to remain, however were unconvinced. He offered us free dessert and a different waiter, yet we still refused to stay. His final compromise consisted of our entire meal being packed into take out boxes and completely on the house. We conceded, after acknowledging that this incident was bigger than meal, hoping he’d understand that free food were the least of our concerns. Nonetheless, I just don’t think the Manager, nor the waiter understood.
Nevermind the historical significance of Buckwheat, a known “Picaninny” character which symbolized the degradation of African Americans. I fail to understand why there is such a complete obliviousness to the fine line that is crossed as it relates to comedy, and complete distaste. The worse part is when others attempt to dismiss your discomfort, as mere sensitivity.
Most of us can attest to how difficult it is to transition from relaxed to Natural hair can be an extremely difficult one. Not simply because you are unaware of what to do to your hair, but also because people tend to consistently, even if unconsciously remind you that your hair in its original state, is undesirable. Although this was an affirms a bigger of racial insensitivity, I had to share this because it evoked every emotional insecurity I have encountered throughout this process, but I never imagined it would be evoked by a business establishment. I'm not broken, but it the incident did crack my surface ... guess it goes to show I am not as invincible as I thought I was.

FYI: I have contacted the corporate office and I am currently I am awaiting their response.

Thanks for letting me vent.

First Lady.

Slowly Taking its COARSE ... Entry I

I've discovered a quite a few things about having VISIBLY natural hair over the last 2-3 weeks. One thing is I am admittedly self conscious about whether or not my hair is "intimidating" to unsuspecting onlookers. I also have a hypothesis that non black men are arguably more attracted (or possibly enthralled) with my hair, than my fellow brothas. But the most intriguing part about having visibly natural hair within the last 2-3 weeks is, many people think it is an invitation to touch me.
Perhaps its my stature, after all I only stand at a mere 4 feet and 11 inches. Regardless, my hair has been patted or fingered more in the last weeks than I could encounter my entire life. Now most of the "petting" has come from friends and curious family members but this Saturday, I became annoyed as a STRANGER felt like she had the right to touch my hair.
The scene was a cookout, I had my back turned to grab a drink out of a cooler, and as I proceeded to pour my drink, I felt someone grope my hair. I turned around to see a chick I had just literally met 45 minutes ago with a Koolaid grin respond to my blank stare with an " I JUST LOVE YOUR HAIR!". I counted to ten and discarded it as a poor exercise in judgment for this young lady but in hindsight I asked myself a few new questions. Would I be equally annoyed if a guy would have touched my hair without my permission? Did I take offense because I felt like a Tuskeegee experiment for non-blacks curious about kinky hair? Or should I simply get accustomed to the intrigue and allow people to gain a better understanding of this phenomena by partaking in a harmless session of "petting"?

I have yet to come to any conclusions, but the day to day experience of living "naturally" is as difficult as staying away from chemical straighteners. They both require extreme patience, and result in the education of self, as well as the people you encounter.

1stLady